So in NY Mag's Grub Street they have an interview where Malarkey talks about his exit. I find it extremely irritating that he thinks Hung sucks for not helping CJ finish his cooking during the airplane competition.
Malarkey says:
He’s got a really young, immature soul. He’s not focused on the right things in life. There’s no point in being an asshole, and that’s how he comes off. When he was watching CJ die cooking at the airport, I was like, “Hung, help CJ,” and he just sat there and washed his knife, and I was like, “Oh, you little asshole.” I think he’s an angry little man.
Am I heartless for thinking this is a competition, not summer camp? I mean, there shouldn't be any cheating or backstabbing, no sir, but isn't part of the competition plating and cooking your food within the time limit?
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
gym follies: yawn etiquette?
I was at the gym today by my work, on the elliptical before going to my usual Thursday night yoga class, when this guy walked over to me.
"Excuse me." He said. "But I noticed you're yawning. I noticed from all the way across the room."
I was unsure how to respond to this. Was he trying to pick me up? I don't think so. Was he saying I wasn't working out hard enough? I'd just started! I'm still baffled.
Then, he added "it's contagious you know." So I guess he was annoyed?
Ultimately I convinced myself that I yawn when I exercise (I do it lately during yoga and spinning too!) because I have a horrible heart defect and oxygen isn't going to my heart, and I'm going to drop dead.
Jerk.
"Excuse me." He said. "But I noticed you're yawning. I noticed from all the way across the room."
I was unsure how to respond to this. Was he trying to pick me up? I don't think so. Was he saying I wasn't working out hard enough? I'd just started! I'm still baffled.
Then, he added "it's contagious you know." So I guess he was annoyed?
Ultimately I convinced myself that I yawn when I exercise (I do it lately during yoga and spinning too!) because I have a horrible heart defect and oxygen isn't going to my heart, and I'm going to drop dead.
Jerk.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Top Chef: At Last, a Real Challenge
So, we're in New York.
The big apple! Mean streets! My man Joey's town! The chefs are at Le Cirque. This is apparently Le Cirque's 3rd location. I was actually at Le Cirque last week for a Young Lion's event. Eh.
QUICKFIRE:
Padma walks in with the owner of Le Cirque. The chefs are served a special dish, a white sea bass wrapped in a russet potato. Padma says, "Pay attention to how this tastes. Because this round of competition is all about the classics."
The challenge is to recreate the classic dish in 20 minutes. Dale points out, "for 20 years that dish has been refined, and we have 20 minutes! We walk in there" (the kitchen of Le Cirque, and a service is actually going on) "and every single line cook was like 'who the fuck are you?'"
Malarkey is in a newsie hat. On backwards. My friend Peter is appalled by this hat. Peter is an accessories designer so I feel validated. "That hat! That hat!" he wails throughout the episode. It's almost like background music. I'm grown a bit immured to Malarkey and his parade of toppers gone wrong, but Peter's ire inspires me to say once again, MALARKEY STOP WITH THE HATS!
Hung, classically trained chef, is up first. "This quickfire is really not intimidating to me..." and I believe him. I really do think Hung enjoys cooking. He really does cook with gusto (although some would say freneticism.)
The owner likes Hung's - who he calls "Hang". "Bravo, this is close to the original." Hang is glowing.
When Hung goes back to the other Chefs, they want to know how his went. They also want to know how he cooked it! He says, "I can't really reveal that." Which I am totally fine with. I agree that it's kind of annoying of him to go on and on about how easy and simple it is, but I don't blame him for not telling them how he did it, and I don't think they should have asked him since the very challenge was to approximate how to cook the dish from eating it. And I especially don't think the chefs should have been so hard on him for not revealing it!
But I did learn last week that I'm one of the few people who doesn't dislike Hung. I had to do some soul-searching on that one, but I'm standing by it. Go on, hate me! I can't help it. I'm also going to admit that I think Hung should win, at the risk of alienating the people who read this who hate Hung. I'm sorry, but a blogger must be true to herself! What else does she have?
As for the other quickfires, Casey's is the top contender with Hung and Sarah and Dale's are pretty bad: Sarah's is raw, and Dale's is flavorless.
ELIMINATION CHALLENGE:
They're at the French Culinary Institute! Padma points out that this is the last challenge between the chefs and Aspen. She says they asked the French Culinary Institute to come up with the ultimate French test, and the school chose these ingredients to be the ultimate test
of skill and creativity...it's a potato, onion and chicken.
See, now this is my type of challenge (and quickfire). I feel like we're actually getting to see some cooking skill, as opposed to just crisis management (cook on planes, on trains, in trailers, make a fried egg on a pony climbing a hill! Devise a wedding banquet on 30 cents and unlimited canned foods! Make stone soup in a rocket ship!).
Hung: "Those are perfect flavor combinations. Classics. Score for me."
Also, Hung, as the winner of the Quickfire, gets an extra 1/2 hour to cook and he gets to serve first.
The Chefs get $200 dollars and go to the Union Square Greenmarket. I like the Greenmarket but I find Union Square area to be such a madhouse of NYU Freshmen. Dale spends most of his time following Casey around as they shop together. I think Dale should be a little less BFFing and a little more focused. "Casey and I get closer and closer," he muses. Great Dale, but what are you cooking?!
Casey is going to make a Coq Au Vin. I did make that once, at a dinner party. It took hours and hours -- seriously like 5 -- and some cheese was set on fire and the host had to clean out the oven in his underwear the next day and at the end, the dinner party of 12 had consumed 13 bottles of wine (and cocktails!) but it was delicious.
Hung starts to cook. Actually, first he screams "Whoo-hoooo!" and sharpens his knives frantically. "I want to do everything with finesse and grace and elegance." The other chefs check out his skills, and they are indeed, as Malarkey says, "Spot on." Hung is doing a sous vide chicken (in butter!) with a very very crispy chip of fried chicken skin. I'm not a huge fan of sous vide (At least not when I had it at WD-50.)
Malarkey is going for taste over presentation this week, making a sort of Shepard/peasant pie of chicken, pheasant, sausage and potato. Sarah is making a fricassee of chicken with couscous. Dale is making some sort of chicken duet.
TOM IS HERE! He raises eyebrows and strikes fear into the hearts of young chefs, as usual. He also introduces the panel of judges from the French Culinary Institute. An intimidating lot! It's the dean of classic studies, the founder, the dean of this and that, Jacques Torres and more. I have a soft spot for dear Jacques because I once wandered into his chocolate shop in Dumbo and he made me a hot chocolate and was very charming. Oh, French Men!
Dale says that it's the "last supper of chefs" and they are all "apostles." I am curious to who Jesus is in this tableau.
Hung is plating by himself. He asks for help but everyone says they are too busy to help him. That's fine with him, he understands. See? Now, Joey would have bellowed and raged and Howie would have gone on a maniacal rant about "making him an enemy" but Hung just plates it. Like a champ! The judges love his crispy chicken skin. It's called, "magnificent." There is some back and forth over the fluffiness of his potatoes, but the founder of the school points out, "Quite frankly, I ate the whole thing. I liked it!"
Sarah is up next, and her fricassee isn't getting any good reviews. She explains her chicken by saying "it makes me feel all warm and homey." It always makes me uncomfortable when the chefs get emotional about their food and tell stories. It's kind of like when waiters spend 30 minutes describing some menu item and get really verbose, like "These luscious raspberries are hand massaged by virgins in a purified water bath at exactly 98 degrees, to be the same temperature as your palate."
Dale goes next, and he forgets to put the sauce on the chicken! So it's actually kind of boring. People aren't enthusiastic. They think his duet of chicken concept ran away with him.
Malarkey's peasant pie is really revolting looking. I assume the meat is all underneath, and then there is a giant green cloud of potatoes covering the whole thing. Dale says, "what is that big green turd on his plate... because it was crazy." However, the judges are enjoying it. There is some question if the smoky sausage outstrips the chicken, but they (especially Tom!) really enjoy it.
Casey is last. They all enjoy her coq au vin, although Tom insists that it's not really coq au vin since coq au vin uses an old rooster. He insists this over and over again.
JUDGING!
I do a quick poll (of my four guests) and find out that NONE of my co-viewers likes Gale. They think she's too judgmental or something. She's a judge! I can't believe it! Has the world gone mad? We are surrounded by beer bottles so perhaps their judgment was clouded.
(Next week, if I make them watch "Gossip Girl" again, we will be drinking tequila.)
I point out to Peter, "She's an editor at Food and Wine Magazine!"
"So what?" He says. "you just like her because she's a writer. She isn't a chef. She just sits and types."
This stumps me. Could it be? I point at my laptop ominously and say darkly, "I'm going to put this in my blog." Which might be the lamest threat ever, but....DONE. I ran into Peter on the F train today and gave him a chance to recant but he stands by his Gail opinion.
No revelations here; the top three is Hung, Casey and Malarkey The Newsie, but it's clearly between Hung and Casey. I think they're setting up a final two between Ilan and Marcel. Oh, excuse me, I mean Casey and Hung.
Hung is declared the winner.
The loss is between Dale and Sarah. Tom says something about wanting to know what drives them as individuals.
Dale delivers an icky speech (and you know I love Dale!) about how "cooking is love." Okay, ew. He then continues on about how food and"when you taste it, you know who got laid last night." Okay! First off, minus 1000 points for using the word "laid". Also, if I taste my soup and I know that chef got laid last night, I'm sending it back. Thanks.
I predict to my co-viewers that it will be Sarah who is sent home, since Dale is more amusing. They think I'm cynical. I think they're naive! Travis says, "Don't you think it's about the cooking?" To a point, my innocent friend, to a point. Anyway, I'm right.
Sarah, please pack your knives and go.
Sarah: "Thank you all. thank you for the ride. I had a good ride. I made it to the top five. I'm happy. I'm gonna miss all my friends...this doesn't define me as a chef."
Back at the chefs' holding pen, the four going to Aspen all congratulate each other and drink champagne. They give Sarah a plastic cup of champers to drink on her way out the door. Nice.
Casey waxes philosophical on the merry bunch: "all of us at one time have been on top and on bottom."
You said it, sister.
The big apple! Mean streets! My man Joey's town! The chefs are at Le Cirque. This is apparently Le Cirque's 3rd location. I was actually at Le Cirque last week for a Young Lion's event. Eh.
QUICKFIRE:
Padma walks in with the owner of Le Cirque. The chefs are served a special dish, a white sea bass wrapped in a russet potato. Padma says, "Pay attention to how this tastes. Because this round of competition is all about the classics."
The challenge is to recreate the classic dish in 20 minutes. Dale points out, "for 20 years that dish has been refined, and we have 20 minutes! We walk in there" (the kitchen of Le Cirque, and a service is actually going on) "and every single line cook was like 'who the fuck are you?'"
Malarkey is in a newsie hat. On backwards. My friend Peter is appalled by this hat. Peter is an accessories designer so I feel validated. "That hat! That hat!" he wails throughout the episode. It's almost like background music. I'm grown a bit immured to Malarkey and his parade of toppers gone wrong, but Peter's ire inspires me to say once again, MALARKEY STOP WITH THE HATS!
Hung, classically trained chef, is up first. "This quickfire is really not intimidating to me..." and I believe him. I really do think Hung enjoys cooking. He really does cook with gusto (although some would say freneticism.)
The owner likes Hung's - who he calls "Hang". "Bravo, this is close to the original." Hang is glowing.
When Hung goes back to the other Chefs, they want to know how his went. They also want to know how he cooked it! He says, "I can't really reveal that." Which I am totally fine with. I agree that it's kind of annoying of him to go on and on about how easy and simple it is, but I don't blame him for not telling them how he did it, and I don't think they should have asked him since the very challenge was to approximate how to cook the dish from eating it. And I especially don't think the chefs should have been so hard on him for not revealing it!
But I did learn last week that I'm one of the few people who doesn't dislike Hung. I had to do some soul-searching on that one, but I'm standing by it. Go on, hate me! I can't help it. I'm also going to admit that I think Hung should win, at the risk of alienating the people who read this who hate Hung. I'm sorry, but a blogger must be true to herself! What else does she have?
As for the other quickfires, Casey's is the top contender with Hung and Sarah and Dale's are pretty bad: Sarah's is raw, and Dale's is flavorless.
ELIMINATION CHALLENGE:
They're at the French Culinary Institute! Padma points out that this is the last challenge between the chefs and Aspen. She says they asked the French Culinary Institute to come up with the ultimate French test, and the school chose these ingredients to be the ultimate test
of skill and creativity...it's a potato, onion and chicken.
See, now this is my type of challenge (and quickfire). I feel like we're actually getting to see some cooking skill, as opposed to just crisis management (cook on planes, on trains, in trailers, make a fried egg on a pony climbing a hill! Devise a wedding banquet on 30 cents and unlimited canned foods! Make stone soup in a rocket ship!).
Hung: "Those are perfect flavor combinations. Classics. Score for me."
Also, Hung, as the winner of the Quickfire, gets an extra 1/2 hour to cook and he gets to serve first.
The Chefs get $200 dollars and go to the Union Square Greenmarket. I like the Greenmarket but I find Union Square area to be such a madhouse of NYU Freshmen. Dale spends most of his time following Casey around as they shop together. I think Dale should be a little less BFFing and a little more focused. "Casey and I get closer and closer," he muses. Great Dale, but what are you cooking?!
Casey is going to make a Coq Au Vin. I did make that once, at a dinner party. It took hours and hours -- seriously like 5 -- and some cheese was set on fire and the host had to clean out the oven in his underwear the next day and at the end, the dinner party of 12 had consumed 13 bottles of wine (and cocktails!) but it was delicious.
Hung starts to cook. Actually, first he screams "Whoo-hoooo!" and sharpens his knives frantically. "I want to do everything with finesse and grace and elegance." The other chefs check out his skills, and they are indeed, as Malarkey says, "Spot on." Hung is doing a sous vide chicken (in butter!) with a very very crispy chip of fried chicken skin. I'm not a huge fan of sous vide (At least not when I had it at WD-50.)
Malarkey is going for taste over presentation this week, making a sort of Shepard/peasant pie of chicken, pheasant, sausage and potato. Sarah is making a fricassee of chicken with couscous. Dale is making some sort of chicken duet.
TOM IS HERE! He raises eyebrows and strikes fear into the hearts of young chefs, as usual. He also introduces the panel of judges from the French Culinary Institute. An intimidating lot! It's the dean of classic studies, the founder, the dean of this and that, Jacques Torres and more. I have a soft spot for dear Jacques because I once wandered into his chocolate shop in Dumbo and he made me a hot chocolate and was very charming. Oh, French Men!
Dale says that it's the "last supper of chefs" and they are all "apostles." I am curious to who Jesus is in this tableau.
Hung is plating by himself. He asks for help but everyone says they are too busy to help him. That's fine with him, he understands. See? Now, Joey would have bellowed and raged and Howie would have gone on a maniacal rant about "making him an enemy" but Hung just plates it. Like a champ! The judges love his crispy chicken skin. It's called, "magnificent." There is some back and forth over the fluffiness of his potatoes, but the founder of the school points out, "Quite frankly, I ate the whole thing. I liked it!"
Sarah is up next, and her fricassee isn't getting any good reviews. She explains her chicken by saying "it makes me feel all warm and homey." It always makes me uncomfortable when the chefs get emotional about their food and tell stories. It's kind of like when waiters spend 30 minutes describing some menu item and get really verbose, like "These luscious raspberries are hand massaged by virgins in a purified water bath at exactly 98 degrees, to be the same temperature as your palate."
Dale goes next, and he forgets to put the sauce on the chicken! So it's actually kind of boring. People aren't enthusiastic. They think his duet of chicken concept ran away with him.
Malarkey's peasant pie is really revolting looking. I assume the meat is all underneath, and then there is a giant green cloud of potatoes covering the whole thing. Dale says, "what is that big green turd on his plate... because it was crazy." However, the judges are enjoying it. There is some question if the smoky sausage outstrips the chicken, but they (especially Tom!) really enjoy it.
Casey is last. They all enjoy her coq au vin, although Tom insists that it's not really coq au vin since coq au vin uses an old rooster. He insists this over and over again.
JUDGING!
I do a quick poll (of my four guests) and find out that NONE of my co-viewers likes Gale. They think she's too judgmental or something. She's a judge! I can't believe it! Has the world gone mad? We are surrounded by beer bottles so perhaps their judgment was clouded.
(Next week, if I make them watch "Gossip Girl" again, we will be drinking tequila.)
I point out to Peter, "She's an editor at Food and Wine Magazine!"
"So what?" He says. "you just like her because she's a writer. She isn't a chef. She just sits and types."
This stumps me. Could it be? I point at my laptop ominously and say darkly, "I'm going to put this in my blog." Which might be the lamest threat ever, but....DONE. I ran into Peter on the F train today and gave him a chance to recant but he stands by his Gail opinion.
No revelations here; the top three is Hung, Casey and Malarkey The Newsie, but it's clearly between Hung and Casey. I think they're setting up a final two between Ilan and Marcel. Oh, excuse me, I mean Casey and Hung.
Hung is declared the winner.
The loss is between Dale and Sarah. Tom says something about wanting to know what drives them as individuals.
Dale delivers an icky speech (and you know I love Dale!) about how "cooking is love." Okay, ew. He then continues on about how food and"when you taste it, you know who got laid last night." Okay! First off, minus 1000 points for using the word "laid". Also, if I taste my soup and I know that chef got laid last night, I'm sending it back. Thanks.
I predict to my co-viewers that it will be Sarah who is sent home, since Dale is more amusing. They think I'm cynical. I think they're naive! Travis says, "Don't you think it's about the cooking?" To a point, my innocent friend, to a point. Anyway, I'm right.
Sarah, please pack your knives and go.
Sarah: "Thank you all. thank you for the ride. I had a good ride. I made it to the top five. I'm happy. I'm gonna miss all my friends...this doesn't define me as a chef."
Back at the chefs' holding pen, the four going to Aspen all congratulate each other and drink champagne. They give Sarah a plastic cup of champers to drink on her way out the door. Nice.
Casey waxes philosophical on the merry bunch: "all of us at one time have been on top and on bottom."
You said it, sister.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Gossip Girl
Stay tuned! I'll be covering Gossip Girl for the Huffingtonpost.
I had to do some soul searching to figure out if I'm qualified to recap this. I'm ashamed to say that I am. I am trying to entice my Top Chef cohorts into watching with me, by creating a delicious peach/tomato salsa and some guacamole. Hopefully they'll take the bait.
I had to do some soul searching to figure out if I'm qualified to recap this. I'm ashamed to say that I am. I am trying to entice my Top Chef cohorts into watching with me, by creating a delicious peach/tomato salsa and some guacamole. Hopefully they'll take the bait.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Welcome
Well hallo there. Fancy meeting you here.So, here we are. Is it tacky? To invite you into my blog? Even with all of my creepy asides, I don't even know you that well. Have we had three posts yet? Will you think less of me? Would you like to come up for a drink? Oh, okay. You can stay. Please stay! Oh that? That belongs to my roommate. Wow, my room is usually so much cleaner. Do you want some water? I want some water. I'm going to go get some water.
All four readers, have you found me? I decided to start posting here because I can actually post it myself right after the show, or at least the morning after. So the good news is that I'll be able to post faster. And, I can fix my horrific typos when I notice them later instead of reading my post later (after I've woken up) and agonizing over spelling mistakes that have slipped through my fingers. And I can also probably be even more inappropriate.
On that note, I may sometimes post a totally ridiculous picture taken with a camera that was an aspirational purchase; a camera that I am totally unqualified for and have still not figured out. I will also make a very serious face.
Tom, you can also call me.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Le Bucks
I read an interesting article today. It's about a man who lost his job as an advertising executive, was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and found both contentment and health insurance working at Starbucks.
I realize that it is so uncool to be okay with Starbucks, but I am. Yes, their drip coffee is horrible. No, I do not need a coca-frappa-whappacino. And, yes, it's a little silly to say tall, grande and venti. But it always annoys me when a customer (on that note, it annoys me that they call them 'guests' but whatever) insists on saying small medium or large to the poor guy behind the counter, who in fact did not make up the naming system and would also like to say small medium or large. Anyway, I think I just like that they give everyone, even part-time workers, health insurance!
I realize that it is so uncool to be okay with Starbucks, but I am. Yes, their drip coffee is horrible. No, I do not need a coca-frappa-whappacino. And, yes, it's a little silly to say tall, grande and venti. But it always annoys me when a customer (on that note, it annoys me that they call them 'guests' but whatever) insists on saying small medium or large to the poor guy behind the counter, who in fact did not make up the naming system and would also like to say small medium or large. Anyway, I think I just like that they give everyone, even part-time workers, health insurance!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Top Chef: Food Flight
So, here I am on my own blog. Welcome. See the archives for my older top chef posts, including last week's.
Anyway. I actually have 2 people watching Top Chef with me, which hasn't happened since the first episode. Have I become more likable?
Padma, seeming alarmingly awake, bounds into the top chef bedrooms! Padma really is hyper. I don't recognize her. She's very emotive this episode. Padma runs into the Top Chef Bedrooms like it's Christmas and shouts that she wants them to make her breakfast. Honestly, she seems 11 as the chefs lumber out of bed and stagger into the kitchen. Malarkey apparently sleeps in a hat. Why?! Does anyone have any conspiracy theories? Dale is no fool: he says, "Breakfast challenge. I know it."
It's true. Their entire apartment has been turned into a kitchen whilst they were asleep! How did they not wake up? It really is like Christmas! Casey is in a bathrobe! Who will cry first? Then it'll really feel Christmas.
Quickfire!
The quickfire is to make Padma breakfast. Of course. And of course they must use this ridiculous blender that the show is clearly doing a product placement for. Do they think we don't know these things? "With this blender," touts Padma, "You can make practically anything!"
"MARGS!" screams Travis, who is caught up in the moment of his first Top Chef viewing and who loves margaritas. As do I.
Hung says, "We all scatter like roaches." I nervously eye my kitchen. I did spy a roach there earlier. I hope Travis doesn't see. Anyway, it's (as Joey would say) New Yawk.
I am also wondering if this is all pre-coffee. Would the producers really be that cruel? I've actually made coffee with my eyes closed before. Dale confesses that he ran a brunch place in Chicago for about a year and it was voted best brunch.
Hung makes steak and eggs, and a smoothie with Gran Marnier in it and hilariously says, "I also put a little alcohol in it...for Padma." Sarah says of Mommy Dearest Padma, "we know she likes alcohol..." and then realizing how bad that sounds, she continues "and she likes marscapone cheese. And she likes healthy products." So Sarah makes egg cooked in french toast with multi grain bread.
CJ makes crepes. "Women" he confides "love crepes for some reason! They just have this thing with crepes." Yes CJ. And they also love SHOPPING and SHOES and have mugs that say "Hand over the chocolate...and nobody gets hurt!"
Ultimately Hung is the winner (I guess Padma really loved the snootful of liquor in the shake.)
"The game is about to change! Top Chef is hitting the road!" says Padma. All of the chefs are flying to New York! That's my town!
There's a montage of them getting ready for NY, during which Malarkey puts on a fedora. The hats are back. I laugh hilariously when they land in the Newark airport. Not quite there yet! Padma is waiting for them when they disembark. Casey says, "We knew that we were in for...something." Good prediction Casey.
Padma says that in order to actually make it to Manhattan, they'll have to get past the elimination challenge, set at Newark Airport. She then makes them check into a hotel "near the airport." Oh wow. Not quite a New York Penthouse! Padma cruelly giggles. There's a shot of the New York City skyline. "We could see it in the distance." says CJ longingly.
Elimination Challenge!
They all walk into a hanger, wearing hairnets. Padma is there in a hairnet, and she manages to look gorgeous. The challenge is to create a dish for business first service on an airline I won't name. They then have to pack it up and serve it to the judges and a group of "frequent fliers."
Hung, as the winner of the quickfire, gets to pick his protein first, and then none of the other chefs may use it. They get a tour of the kitchen of this airline, and it's huge. Hung looks depressed. This really doesn't feel like a very culinary challenge. Hung picks Chilean Sea Bass, since "it's oily, think, moist, it's really hard to dry it out." I guess that's a good pick, but I would have picked red meat, which I think would have screwed the other chefs.
Dale is making a peppercorn crusted fillet. CJ is making Halibut with some sort of succotash pilaf and a side of broccolini. Dale: "peppercorn crusted fillet is a slam dunk." Malarkey is making a 'surf and turf' of steak and lobster hash. Casey is making something with veal medallions. Tom is here! Tom: "fish is the last thing I'd order on a plane." Sarah is making salmon and a cous cous.
The chefs prepare their meals with no real mishaps. Hung gets some flack for not helping CJ. Eh, it's a competition! I think there's a difference between stabbing people in the back and not helping them. Our judges are the head chef of this airline, Anthony Bourdain (looking chic!) and Tom. No Gail! Tom is in a leather jacket and backwards Newsie Cap. I'm not going to say anything because I love Tom.
The frequent fliers are, as I predicted, Flight Attendants. The chefs serve the food and there aren't any real fiascos, except that they do have some difficulty figuring out the ovens inside the airplane. This challenge really doesn't excite me. Dale actually makes only 17 servings when he was supposed to make 18, so the last guy in the aisle doesn't get any food. Now it feels like a real flight! CJ gets the most maligned, for his overcooked brocolinni, which really does look very weedy. Anthony Bourdain says, "They were cleaning Bob Marley's house and found this in the closet...sickening."
JUDGING!
The top three: Dale, Casey and Hung. The winner? Casey, for her veal medallions. I kind of think Hung should have won. I feel they are setting up Casey to be in the top three. She's only been middle of the road until now so I find this trajectory all very suspicious.
The bottom three: Malarkey, CJ and Sarah. The judges are stunned by the brocolinni. "I can't believe that was actually served.' says one of them. Tom seems very cranky this episode. Anthony Bourdain cruelly says of Sarah's salmon, "We're talking cat food territory." Ouch. Bourdain also says the broccolinni was "horrifying....you couldn't serve it in prison. It was wretched."
Tom adds that the broccolinni was "the single worst thing we've had throughout the entire competition." CJ looks totally morose. That did seem over the top cruel. Especially because Padma then says..."CJ please pack your knives and go."
CJ says, "Can I say something?" I have a moment where I'm afraid he'll pull a Howie. But he graciously continues "Just to say thank you very much for this experience. I appreciate all the feedback and it was a really great experience."
Padma looks like she's going to cry.
CJ gets a round of applause.
'"I made a lot of new friends. Made connections... I'm looking forward very much to the things that are going to happen in my life....I'd love to sit down and have a beer with Anthony Bourdain and talk shit about my brocolinni."
I really wasn't that engaged with this episode. Could I miss Howie? Say it ain't so.
Anyway. I actually have 2 people watching Top Chef with me, which hasn't happened since the first episode. Have I become more likable?
Padma, seeming alarmingly awake, bounds into the top chef bedrooms! Padma really is hyper. I don't recognize her. She's very emotive this episode. Padma runs into the Top Chef Bedrooms like it's Christmas and shouts that she wants them to make her breakfast. Honestly, she seems 11 as the chefs lumber out of bed and stagger into the kitchen. Malarkey apparently sleeps in a hat. Why?! Does anyone have any conspiracy theories? Dale is no fool: he says, "Breakfast challenge. I know it."
It's true. Their entire apartment has been turned into a kitchen whilst they were asleep! How did they not wake up? It really is like Christmas! Casey is in a bathrobe! Who will cry first? Then it'll really feel Christmas.
Quickfire!
The quickfire is to make Padma breakfast. Of course. And of course they must use this ridiculous blender that the show is clearly doing a product placement for. Do they think we don't know these things? "With this blender," touts Padma, "You can make practically anything!"
"MARGS!" screams Travis, who is caught up in the moment of his first Top Chef viewing and who loves margaritas. As do I.
Hung says, "We all scatter like roaches." I nervously eye my kitchen. I did spy a roach there earlier. I hope Travis doesn't see. Anyway, it's (as Joey would say) New Yawk.
I am also wondering if this is all pre-coffee. Would the producers really be that cruel? I've actually made coffee with my eyes closed before. Dale confesses that he ran a brunch place in Chicago for about a year and it was voted best brunch.
Hung makes steak and eggs, and a smoothie with Gran Marnier in it and hilariously says, "I also put a little alcohol in it...for Padma." Sarah says of Mommy Dearest Padma, "we know she likes alcohol..." and then realizing how bad that sounds, she continues "and she likes marscapone cheese. And she likes healthy products." So Sarah makes egg cooked in french toast with multi grain bread.
CJ makes crepes. "Women" he confides "love crepes for some reason! They just have this thing with crepes." Yes CJ. And they also love SHOPPING and SHOES and have mugs that say "Hand over the chocolate...and nobody gets hurt!"
Ultimately Hung is the winner (I guess Padma really loved the snootful of liquor in the shake.)
"The game is about to change! Top Chef is hitting the road!" says Padma. All of the chefs are flying to New York! That's my town!
There's a montage of them getting ready for NY, during which Malarkey puts on a fedora. The hats are back. I laugh hilariously when they land in the Newark airport. Not quite there yet! Padma is waiting for them when they disembark. Casey says, "We knew that we were in for...something." Good prediction Casey.
Padma says that in order to actually make it to Manhattan, they'll have to get past the elimination challenge, set at Newark Airport. She then makes them check into a hotel "near the airport." Oh wow. Not quite a New York Penthouse! Padma cruelly giggles. There's a shot of the New York City skyline. "We could see it in the distance." says CJ longingly.
Elimination Challenge!
They all walk into a hanger, wearing hairnets. Padma is there in a hairnet, and she manages to look gorgeous. The challenge is to create a dish for business first service on an airline I won't name. They then have to pack it up and serve it to the judges and a group of "frequent fliers."
Hung, as the winner of the quickfire, gets to pick his protein first, and then none of the other chefs may use it. They get a tour of the kitchen of this airline, and it's huge. Hung looks depressed. This really doesn't feel like a very culinary challenge. Hung picks Chilean Sea Bass, since "it's oily, think, moist, it's really hard to dry it out." I guess that's a good pick, but I would have picked red meat, which I think would have screwed the other chefs.
Dale is making a peppercorn crusted fillet. CJ is making Halibut with some sort of succotash pilaf and a side of broccolini. Dale: "peppercorn crusted fillet is a slam dunk." Malarkey is making a 'surf and turf' of steak and lobster hash. Casey is making something with veal medallions. Tom is here! Tom: "fish is the last thing I'd order on a plane." Sarah is making salmon and a cous cous.
The chefs prepare their meals with no real mishaps. Hung gets some flack for not helping CJ. Eh, it's a competition! I think there's a difference between stabbing people in the back and not helping them. Our judges are the head chef of this airline, Anthony Bourdain (looking chic!) and Tom. No Gail! Tom is in a leather jacket and backwards Newsie Cap. I'm not going to say anything because I love Tom.
The frequent fliers are, as I predicted, Flight Attendants. The chefs serve the food and there aren't any real fiascos, except that they do have some difficulty figuring out the ovens inside the airplane. This challenge really doesn't excite me. Dale actually makes only 17 servings when he was supposed to make 18, so the last guy in the aisle doesn't get any food. Now it feels like a real flight! CJ gets the most maligned, for his overcooked brocolinni, which really does look very weedy. Anthony Bourdain says, "They were cleaning Bob Marley's house and found this in the closet...sickening."
JUDGING!
The top three: Dale, Casey and Hung. The winner? Casey, for her veal medallions. I kind of think Hung should have won. I feel they are setting up Casey to be in the top three. She's only been middle of the road until now so I find this trajectory all very suspicious.
The bottom three: Malarkey, CJ and Sarah. The judges are stunned by the brocolinni. "I can't believe that was actually served.' says one of them. Tom seems very cranky this episode. Anthony Bourdain cruelly says of Sarah's salmon, "We're talking cat food territory." Ouch. Bourdain also says the broccolinni was "horrifying....you couldn't serve it in prison. It was wretched."
Tom adds that the broccolinni was "the single worst thing we've had throughout the entire competition." CJ looks totally morose. That did seem over the top cruel. Especially because Padma then says..."CJ please pack your knives and go."
CJ says, "Can I say something?" I have a moment where I'm afraid he'll pull a Howie. But he graciously continues "Just to say thank you very much for this experience. I appreciate all the feedback and it was a really great experience."
Padma looks like she's going to cry.
CJ gets a round of applause.
'"I made a lot of new friends. Made connections... I'm looking forward very much to the things that are going to happen in my life....I'd love to sit down and have a beer with Anthony Bourdain and talk shit about my brocolinni."
I really wasn't that engaged with this episode. Could I miss Howie? Say it ain't so.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Top Chef: Howie's Last Stand
I was sitting at my desk the other day, idly chewing on a Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwich and musing over something highly important like my incipient crow's feet or the merits of fish-oil pills, when a co-worker jolted me out of my reverie.
"What are you going to do? Tonight? About Tre?"
"Huh?" I blinked stupidly.
"He's gone. Remember?"
Readers, I felt the pain of parting all over again. A montage flashed through my head: one with much milk pouring, smiling, lifting of grocery bags and getting physical on the balcony. SIGH! But the show must go on. Tonight we even have a totally new episode. My TV says it's called "Chef Overboard," and I must admit that the chance of it being Howie lifts my spirits mightily.
Hung, in a rare moment of reflection, is musing about how he was sad to see Tre go. "It's shocking to me that he's gone...I'd rather lose to him than anybody else if I had to lose." Aw! I think we know Hung well enough to know that he silently adds "not that I'm going to lose
to this bunch of clowns."
Malarkey is talking about missing his wife. And dog. And restaurant! My god! His hats are so dumb but his life is so full. Sob! Bridget Jones, Singleton Blogger, tippity-types away, awfully jealous. Anyway, Malarkey says it's time to "focus up."
QUICKFIRE
Padma is in basically a marching band jacket with the sleeves cut off. I have a horrible flashback to my own marching band outfit from High School. It had braiding, piping and a tall hat with a gigantic plume.
Our guest judges is Michael Schwartz. Michael's take on food is: "It's gotta be fabulous! It's gotta look great and it's gotta taste great!" Fine with me.
Our Quickfire is 10 minutes to shop in an aisle of the supermarket each chef draws randomly, and 20 minutes to cook (with limited use of the food pantry). This seems a bit unfair since some of the chefs draw much better aisles to shop in. Howie is in the canned fruit/processed juice aisle, for example.
Malarkey is in the canned seafood aisle, which he's happy about, until a little Tom Colicchio appears on his shoulder and whispers something about how Malarkey only ever cooks with seafood - so Malarkey goes for SPAM!
Howie, or as I call him, Mr. Bitchy Pants, is saying "I don't like this challenge!"
What kind of nut would?
Hung would. Hung is in cereal land and since he's 11 this fills him with excitement. The cereal aisle only filled me with despondence because sugary cereals were off limits. Hung actually says he wants to make something like from when he was a kid. "This challenge is definitely the most fun I've had. Because I'm playing with food. Like a child." Or something. "I love eating! This is what I do!" Back at the kitchen, he's grinding up scary cereals into a strange blue powder, which he is creating a sort of road with.
"Dude, are you building a smurf village?" says someone. Dale?
Howie's sauce falls apart...SO HE DECIDES TO PRESENT NOTHING!!!! Who does he think he is?! Says Howie: "Unfortunately I have no dish to present. ...it was just a mess. I'd rather not push myself to put out something I'm not proud of." It's like he think he deserves points for
having high standards! He did this in the very first episode! Howie, you're a chef, and the first duty of a chef is to MAKE FOOD!
Even my roommate is disgusted. "Oof!" says Jill, after Howie's speech. My roommate Jill is pretty dry and the fact that she's so turned off by this can't be good for Howie. Fine by me! I tell her I will quote her on today's write-up and that she should read it. I do not tell her
it will just be "oof." I will do anything to Add A Reader!
Ultimately Malarkey and his Spam of Wonder win the challenge. Hung's deeply strange meal gets a "what the fuck is that!" from the guest judge. Hung admits, "Well, it's a little different." Padma and Michael are deeply disappointed in Howie. Padma looks particularly annoyed.
I've been watching Padma enough to decipher this, I think. I'm pretty sure she blinks.
THE ELIMINATION CHALLENGE:
It's group work, of course - 1 group though, not teams. The chefs will be catering an ultra exclusive party, thrown by a nightclub I refuse to name, for a designer or something who I actually forget the name of. Continuing our budget theme, the challenge is that the budget will
be only 350 dollars to prepare snackies for sixty people.
Malarkey, winner of the Quickfire, gets to choose who the team leader will be. He decides to take it for himself. Smart move? I'm not sure. This will put him on the chopping block. The chefs go over some menu items. Malarkey is letting people "express themselves." I would say
he's letting people hang themselves...some chefs are making one thing alone and one thing together, but Howie, to redeem himself for the quickfire, is making 2 dishes alone. Go big or go home! Feel free to choose home!
Nothing too interesting happens at the supermarket except that Dale gives up the goat cheese that he was going to use for gougeres (hmm!) and instead decides to do yogurt/cream cheese mixture. (aghh!)
At the site of the challenge, the chefs find out this will take place on a party boat. Of course! Padma says, "You'll be working in tight quarters." My ears would perk up if Tre were still here...who KNOWS what happens when people are stuck at sea for long periods...?!
Sarah is making a savory tomato bread pudding. CJ is making a sewafood sausage (Malarkey's turf!) and Hung is making a salmon and cucumber dish: a "classic dish that people with an average palate would appreciate." I think he's forgetting about Tom's palate here. Tom
comes in and looks around. He leaves and remarks that it all seempretty simple and safe, pretty ordinary. Tom seems pretty subdued. Clearly he is missing Tre.
Howie, who I think is considering his legacy, muses about how he knows he been "tagged as not a team player" (to put it mildly!) so he's going out of his way not to be "pushy or aggressive." He says he's "obviously not some shitheel." Obviously. Hung looks over at Howie's
mushroom duxelle and says it looks like "dog diarrhea." Leave it to Hung to take it all the way to Diarrhea. Couldn't just be dog poop.
CJ thinks Malarkey isn't being decisive enough about every one's dishes, but Malarkey just voice-overs "I'm making sure everyone has the opportunity to succeed....OR FAIL!" Malarkey! Your hats always made you seem so guileless!
People are liking Casey's beef carpaccio over a shitake broth and also CJ's sausage and Sarah's tomato bread pudding. Howie's asparagus, prosciutto and Parmesan cheese cigar is not going over so well, and neither are his duxelle tarts. No major disasters though, except for a
dessert by Sarah and Casey that doesn't even go out, since the chocolate won't set.
JUDGING!
Howie is in the holding area with the chefs, defiantly saying, 'I thought every dish was good and I don't give a fuck what they say." Which seems a little silly since he signed up for a cooking show competition with judges.
The judges, meanwhile, are saying that everything was just a little flat. No standouts except for Casey, CJ and Sarah. There is some thinking that Malarkey should have edited the menu better. The chefs come in for judging and Tom gets into it with Hung over Hung's salmon
canape.
Tom: "Your food was right out of the 80's."
Hung bristles and delivers a lecture on food history.
Tom baits him; "Do you have another canape that was better?"
Hung falls right into the trap! "Of course I do!" He spits.
Howie, apropos of nothing says (paraphrased); "Can I address the panel? I'd rather send myself home than see Brian go home. So I'm going to withdraw myself from the competition."
I don't think Brian Malarkey was getting that much criticism?
This is the oldest trick in the book!!!!
I hate this. I think that Howie knew he was going to be sent home so he tried to make it look like it was his choice - which is insulting to Brian. Anyway. Padma coldly says, "It's the judge's decision. Not yours." Snap!
"Then make it," says Howie.
They leave while the judges confer and Howie says to the other Chefs "I gotta lot of pride in me. I'll be in control of my own destiny. Fuck them!" Which seems to support my theory that he knows he was going to be sent home anyway.
The winner? Casey and the beef Carpaccio. Her gift? A mac laptop! Ooh! Someone gave me an Apple Laptop and it really was the greatest gift ever. Life changing!
Howie please pack your knives and go.
AT LAST!
"I haven't necessarily been too proud with the way that I've been with some people here. I..made everybody my enemy...but the reality of being a chef is that cooking is a team sport. I don't have any regrets. I stand by my decision. I am a good chef. And all that anybody has to do to know that, is to come taste my food."
The last sentence is kind of touching but the rest seems contradictory.
Well. It's the end of an Era. Howie's gone. Who on earth will I write about now? Who will I insult? Your blogger is 50% leer and 48% insult (1% tears and 1% alcohol) so this is going to be tough. I basically like all the chefs left.
I might have to become a nicer person for my next recap. Damn you, Howie. Damn you!
"What are you going to do? Tonight? About Tre?"
"Huh?" I blinked stupidly.
"He's gone. Remember?"
Readers, I felt the pain of parting all over again. A montage flashed through my head: one with much milk pouring, smiling, lifting of grocery bags and getting physical on the balcony. SIGH! But the show must go on. Tonight we even have a totally new episode. My TV says it's called "Chef Overboard," and I must admit that the chance of it being Howie lifts my spirits mightily.
Hung, in a rare moment of reflection, is musing about how he was sad to see Tre go. "It's shocking to me that he's gone...I'd rather lose to him than anybody else if I had to lose." Aw! I think we know Hung well enough to know that he silently adds "not that I'm going to lose
to this bunch of clowns."
Malarkey is talking about missing his wife. And dog. And restaurant! My god! His hats are so dumb but his life is so full. Sob! Bridget Jones, Singleton Blogger, tippity-types away, awfully jealous. Anyway, Malarkey says it's time to "focus up."
QUICKFIRE
Padma is in basically a marching band jacket with the sleeves cut off. I have a horrible flashback to my own marching band outfit from High School. It had braiding, piping and a tall hat with a gigantic plume.
Our guest judges is Michael Schwartz. Michael's take on food is: "It's gotta be fabulous! It's gotta look great and it's gotta taste great!" Fine with me.
Our Quickfire is 10 minutes to shop in an aisle of the supermarket each chef draws randomly, and 20 minutes to cook (with limited use of the food pantry). This seems a bit unfair since some of the chefs draw much better aisles to shop in. Howie is in the canned fruit/processed juice aisle, for example.
Malarkey is in the canned seafood aisle, which he's happy about, until a little Tom Colicchio appears on his shoulder and whispers something about how Malarkey only ever cooks with seafood - so Malarkey goes for SPAM!
Howie, or as I call him, Mr. Bitchy Pants, is saying "I don't like this challenge!"
What kind of nut would?
Hung would. Hung is in cereal land and since he's 11 this fills him with excitement. The cereal aisle only filled me with despondence because sugary cereals were off limits. Hung actually says he wants to make something like from when he was a kid. "This challenge is definitely the most fun I've had. Because I'm playing with food. Like a child." Or something. "I love eating! This is what I do!" Back at the kitchen, he's grinding up scary cereals into a strange blue powder, which he is creating a sort of road with.
"Dude, are you building a smurf village?" says someone. Dale?
Howie's sauce falls apart...SO HE DECIDES TO PRESENT NOTHING!!!! Who does he think he is?! Says Howie: "Unfortunately I have no dish to present. ...it was just a mess. I'd rather not push myself to put out something I'm not proud of." It's like he think he deserves points for
having high standards! He did this in the very first episode! Howie, you're a chef, and the first duty of a chef is to MAKE FOOD!
Even my roommate is disgusted. "Oof!" says Jill, after Howie's speech. My roommate Jill is pretty dry and the fact that she's so turned off by this can't be good for Howie. Fine by me! I tell her I will quote her on today's write-up and that she should read it. I do not tell her
it will just be "oof." I will do anything to Add A Reader!
Ultimately Malarkey and his Spam of Wonder win the challenge. Hung's deeply strange meal gets a "what the fuck is that!" from the guest judge. Hung admits, "Well, it's a little different." Padma and Michael are deeply disappointed in Howie. Padma looks particularly annoyed.
I've been watching Padma enough to decipher this, I think. I'm pretty sure she blinks.
THE ELIMINATION CHALLENGE:
It's group work, of course - 1 group though, not teams. The chefs will be catering an ultra exclusive party, thrown by a nightclub I refuse to name, for a designer or something who I actually forget the name of. Continuing our budget theme, the challenge is that the budget will
be only 350 dollars to prepare snackies for sixty people.
Malarkey, winner of the Quickfire, gets to choose who the team leader will be. He decides to take it for himself. Smart move? I'm not sure. This will put him on the chopping block. The chefs go over some menu items. Malarkey is letting people "express themselves." I would say
he's letting people hang themselves...some chefs are making one thing alone and one thing together, but Howie, to redeem himself for the quickfire, is making 2 dishes alone. Go big or go home! Feel free to choose home!
Nothing too interesting happens at the supermarket except that Dale gives up the goat cheese that he was going to use for gougeres (hmm!) and instead decides to do yogurt/cream cheese mixture. (aghh!)
At the site of the challenge, the chefs find out this will take place on a party boat. Of course! Padma says, "You'll be working in tight quarters." My ears would perk up if Tre were still here...who KNOWS what happens when people are stuck at sea for long periods...?!
Sarah is making a savory tomato bread pudding. CJ is making a sewafood sausage (Malarkey's turf!) and Hung is making a salmon and cucumber dish: a "classic dish that people with an average palate would appreciate." I think he's forgetting about Tom's palate here. Tom
comes in and looks around. He leaves and remarks that it all seempretty simple and safe, pretty ordinary. Tom seems pretty subdued. Clearly he is missing Tre.
Howie, who I think is considering his legacy, muses about how he knows he been "tagged as not a team player" (to put it mildly!) so he's going out of his way not to be "pushy or aggressive." He says he's "obviously not some shitheel." Obviously. Hung looks over at Howie's
mushroom duxelle and says it looks like "dog diarrhea." Leave it to Hung to take it all the way to Diarrhea. Couldn't just be dog poop.
CJ thinks Malarkey isn't being decisive enough about every one's dishes, but Malarkey just voice-overs "I'm making sure everyone has the opportunity to succeed....OR FAIL!" Malarkey! Your hats always made you seem so guileless!
People are liking Casey's beef carpaccio over a shitake broth and also CJ's sausage and Sarah's tomato bread pudding. Howie's asparagus, prosciutto and Parmesan cheese cigar is not going over so well, and neither are his duxelle tarts. No major disasters though, except for a
dessert by Sarah and Casey that doesn't even go out, since the chocolate won't set.
JUDGING!
Howie is in the holding area with the chefs, defiantly saying, 'I thought every dish was good and I don't give a fuck what they say." Which seems a little silly since he signed up for a cooking show competition with judges.
The judges, meanwhile, are saying that everything was just a little flat. No standouts except for Casey, CJ and Sarah. There is some thinking that Malarkey should have edited the menu better. The chefs come in for judging and Tom gets into it with Hung over Hung's salmon
canape.
Tom: "Your food was right out of the 80's."
Hung bristles and delivers a lecture on food history.
Tom baits him; "Do you have another canape that was better?"
Hung falls right into the trap! "Of course I do!" He spits.
Howie, apropos of nothing says (paraphrased); "Can I address the panel? I'd rather send myself home than see Brian go home. So I'm going to withdraw myself from the competition."
I don't think Brian Malarkey was getting that much criticism?
This is the oldest trick in the book!!!!
I hate this. I think that Howie knew he was going to be sent home so he tried to make it look like it was his choice - which is insulting to Brian. Anyway. Padma coldly says, "It's the judge's decision. Not yours." Snap!
"Then make it," says Howie.
They leave while the judges confer and Howie says to the other Chefs "I gotta lot of pride in me. I'll be in control of my own destiny. Fuck them!" Which seems to support my theory that he knows he was going to be sent home anyway.
The winner? Casey and the beef Carpaccio. Her gift? A mac laptop! Ooh! Someone gave me an Apple Laptop and it really was the greatest gift ever. Life changing!
Howie please pack your knives and go.
AT LAST!
"I haven't necessarily been too proud with the way that I've been with some people here. I..made everybody my enemy...but the reality of being a chef is that cooking is a team sport. I don't have any regrets. I stand by my decision. I am a good chef. And all that anybody has to do to know that, is to come taste my food."
The last sentence is kind of touching but the rest seems contradictory.
Well. It's the end of an Era. Howie's gone. Who on earth will I write about now? Who will I insult? Your blogger is 50% leer and 48% insult (1% tears and 1% alcohol) so this is going to be tough. I basically like all the chefs left.
I might have to become a nicer person for my next recap. Damn you, Howie. Damn you!
Saturday, September 1, 2007
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